Who is this guy, standing there looking so good that it’s making you not give two shits whether those people around him are alive or dead, you ask? Oh, it’s ARTHUR. That’s right, Arthur. No, he doesn’t have a last name - he’s The Point Man. The best fucking Point Man there is. He doesn’t need a last name.
Have you seen this sexy piece of ass in a suit? UMPH. You know you want this tall, lithe, well tailored son of a bitch strutting around in your presence, all ready for you to undress him.
Look at that hair. Look at that perfect damn hair. You know you want to slide your hand all through it, get your fingertips coated in gel or hairspray or pomade or whatever the hell he uses to make it all slicked back and sexy like that. Of course doing that will probably piss him off but trust me - that is a very good thing.
This hot piece of ass is Jason Stackhouse a.k.a. the hottest heterosexual human native to Bon Temps, Louisiana b.k.a. the dude whose pants you’d like to camp out in for days. He’s on an entirely different level of hotness from most guys.
His body is just…spectacular. Prodigious. Marvelous. There aren’t enough words to emphasize how amazing it is. He keeps himself in shape and it’s mainly so he can love the ladies better. I mean he said it himself: “I work out like a motherfucker and I watch a lot of porn to learn stuff.” Good to know, Jason. Good. to. know.
He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer but that’s alright - coupled with his Southern accent it’s endearing. Besides, who needs brains with all that fucking brawn? Don’t underestimate him though: he has his moments of brilliance.
The boy is into some kinky shit. Whether it’s fucking while high on V or getting tied up or (attempting) threesomes, or screwing preachers’ wives in churches, there seems to be nothing he won’t try at least once, and that’s definitely a quality worth appreciating.
This. Yes. You’re welcome. And, um, I’m sorry - you know, for making you ruin your pants. Those looked really good on you.
Hold the fuck up. Is that Shrek on your dashboard? You bet the fuck it is. This motherfucker is an ogre, meaning he’s deep, and he has layers like a motherfucking onion. And a sexy onion, I might add.
He can fucking sing. Is there anything he can’t do? Just imagine that melodic voice screaming out your name. Damn straight, that’s a sound you want to hear.
He’s a family guy. He’d not only fuck your brains out but he’d stick around to raise your kids too. Plus he is good with animals. Just look how caring he is. And here. It makes your heart melt. Plus he’d do anything for his one true love. That could be you, you lucky bitch.
You think you’d get bored of this face? Well he just downs some magic potion and BAM he’s got a new, sexy face. And his fucking donkey turns into a stallion. Damn right, he rides a stallion. You know that shit’ll make your panties wet.
Plus, the only woman you have to fight off is a right munter. Oh and there’s these guys too, but you could just let them join in. If you’re that way inclined. I’m not here to judge.
He’s another perfect specimen of tall, dark, and handsome, but he’s puppy dog cute on top of it. Just look at that sweet smile and those adorable curls. Don’t underestimate him though, there’s a lot more to him than cute.
He’s a nerd. He has a deep love of comic books, can speak Klingon, has a Tron poster on his bedroom wall, and works on computers for a living. The man wears a pocket protector for God’s sake. How hot is that?!
But he’s not just a nerd, no. He’s a secret agent man. A spy. He works for the CIA, kicking ass and taking names, saving the world on a nightly basis, albeit in a very awkward, convoluted way - but that doesn’t matter. He gets the job done. I can think a few jobs I can do for him…
He’s The Intersect. All he has to do is Flash and he’s equipped with any skill in the world. Just imagine what you could do with a man like that every night - the role playing? I’m thinking a French speaking ninja with awesome interior design skills. Don’t ask.
Because I love boys in glasses and also I love to share the wealth, I’ll leave you with this fapping material: Chuck in Glasses.
They don’t call him Captain Awesome for nothin’. There’s nothing he can’t do! Well, except that he’s a terrible liar, but really - more awesome, right? He’s perfect and not in a horrible annoying GTFO sort of way, but a hey you, why don’t you come be perfect in my pants? kind of way. Ellie is so, very lucky, is she not?
The “I’m a little bit clueless” thing he’s got going on makes him seem so sweet and innocent that you want to pinch his cheeks (both sets, yes), but he’s no cliché empty headed jock. He’s actually really intelligent.
So intelligent in fact that he’s a fucking doctor. And not just any kind of Doctor - this good looking son of a bitch is a cardiologist. He works on hearts, really savings lives and shit, not just…inspecting toes or hair follicles or whatever it is doctors that aren’t cardiologists do. And he looks really good in scrubs.
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