1. Fabulous: almost impossible to believe; told about in fables. Matsufabulous: the sexiest creature to ever grace God’s green earth. We mere mortals dare not speak his name, for even to think it is to conjure images of a being too sexy and fabulous for our comprehension.
2. The Legend of Matsufab begins when he was invited to join Johnny’s & Associates without going through an audition, something only two people before him had done, immediately making him an elite and starting him on the fast track to being a high class summabitch.
3. He’s been a GQMF from a young age, long entrancing the women of Japan with his big, toothy, adorable grin, which has only gotten cuter with age. He’s the J-pop equivalent of that fish with the light on its head in “Finding Nemo.” Don’t lie: you started smiling and feeling fuzzy when you saw him smile, didn’t you? Yep, that’s how he gets you.
4. Along with that irresistable grin, he’s got eyes that bore through to your very soul. Behind that is a big, sexy brain, always thinking of new ways to make Arashi’s concerts more entertaining. One way he contributes is by stripping at every opportunity. Really, he’s only concerned about how to please you. He’ll be your pet. He’ll let you tie him up and lick him like a lollipop (he just loves to be pampered). If he deems you worthy, he might reciprocate. Boy’s not afraid to get down.
5. Sorry, I got so caught up in the sexy that I forgot to mention he sings and dances, too. I’m seriously, just watch. No, he’s not the best singer in the group, but when he winks and whispers “come closer” in your ear, are you really gonna be thinking that he’s kind of nasally when he sings? No, you’re not, you dumb bitch — you’re gonna be too busy screaming yourself hoarse begging him to take you now and fucking ravish you or some bullshit (and that’s assuming you can even formulate words at this point). 

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