Why He’s Hot {REDUX}:

1. It’s Johnny Depp, damn it. If that doesn’t make your mouth water, there must be something wrong. This man is AGELESS with the most beautiful cheekbones the world has ever seen. You can lie to yourself as much as you want, but you know you would lick the sweat off of his chest, any given day.
2. Not only is he an AMAZING actor, who plays some of the most eccentric roles ever, but also a musician. Yeah. That’s hot. He was absolutely twisted and disturbing, but still very much a smoldering sex-machine in Sweeney Todd. Damn. The mind cannot contain the countless things I would like to do to this man.
3. Even though he’s turning 47 this year, he doesn’t look it. He has been voted The Sexiest Man Alive twice. I mean, JESUS. Can you blame them??? And even though he’s old enough to be my dad, one smoldering look is all it takes for me to want to… shiver his timbers. Yeah, you’d hit that.
4. He has such a good personality. A little odd-ball, but totally fucking sweet. And he is so God damn funny. If I were there, I would make love to him right on stage. Nothing would stop me. And he is such a dad. He even has a tattoo of his daughters name on his chest. Of course, that would make the chest-licking a little awkward if you thought of his daughter, but Johnny Depp is so much the epitome of sex that you probably wouldn’t be able to think of much other than ripping his clothes off.
5. Even though he sometimes has the fashion sense of a confused clown, he never ceases to make me want to rip my clothes off. And he has the strangest fucking collection of tattoos. Who cares what they all mean? He’s Johnny Fucking Depp. He doesn’t need reasons. Covered in slime, drenched in water, mysteriously masked—whenever, wherever—Johnny Depp induces screams of pleasure from women across the globe as they fantasize about fucking the weird out of this man.

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Why He’s Hot:

1. He’s timeless. He literally is like fine wine - the older he gets, the sexier he gets. He’s old enough to be our father (almost 50! Did you know that!?) but do you think we give a shit? Fuck no.
2. He can be anyone we want him to be. Convincingly. The man is one of the best actors working today and I’m sure he doesn’t mind role playing for his lady. Oh, here, Crybaby. Let me wipe that tear with my tit.
3. That bone structure. It’s the most noticeable thing about him: it details and emphasizes how gorgeous his face is. The strong, exotic lines of his face give you a ladyboner just thinking about tracing them with your fingertips. Or maybe your tongue.
4. He’s passionate and dedicated. Now we don’t need a relationship with him - although he’s definitely forever and ever material, God knows he is - but passion and dedication translate into a good lay.
5. He’s not necessarily beyond our reach. All we need to do is kidnap Tim Burton. He’s said that he would have sex with an aardvark if Tim wanted him to so there’s the ticket: Tim’s ransom would be hot sex with Mr. Depp. Win!