Why He’s Hot:

1. Look at this beautiful specimen of man. He’s like a goddamn Adonis with that tall, broad structure. He’s six feet, two inches and 175 pounds of provocative, muscle-y delight. I could lap him up like a saucer of milk, I swear to God I could.
2. Where else have you seen a bone structure as amazing as his? No where, that’s where. The chin, the cheekbones, the jaw - god, Idontevenknowwhattosayaboutit. And all of that, contrasted with those plump pink lips? Perfection.
3. That voice. Fuck, it’s like a choir of Angels singing, a litter of puppies whining in excitement and that one awesome Warner Bros. theme song that gave you goosebumps in the theater because you were so excited for the movie to start all at once. What I’m trying to say is that his voice is the culmination of every possible wonderful sound in the world. With a bit of sexy-as-hell thrown in for good measure.
4. He personifies mystery, with those heavy brows shadowing those narrow dark eyes and his aversion to the press and paparazzi. He’s like an onion and you want to peel back the layers. And not just of his clothing although, YES PLEASE.
5. Everything you probably don’t think is sexy? Josh Hartnett makes sexy. Come home early, find him totally decked out in your MAC? So what? Chain smoking like a chimney, cutting that gorgeous life short with every puff? Whatever. Just walking around, crouching down by pools, and pretending to spar with a really cute Korean dude? Yes. He makes the simplest things look like porn. UMMPHH.

Why He’s Hot:

1. Look at THIS GQMF, standing there like a chocolate sculpture with cream filling. He’s just asking to be gnawed on.
2. His body is ridiculous. I mean, really, it’s ridiculous. Look at it. And now, you’re a puddle of goo on the floor. Me too, friend, me too. I mean, don’t you want to wash your underwear on those abs? He should let you, it’s the least he can do for causing all this spontaneous jizzing and what not.
3. Reggie couldn’t have just a hot ass body, no. He had to go and be pretty faced too, with those perfect lips and that gorgeous smile. It’s almost overwhelming.
4. He’s procured the most infamous ass in Hollywood, The Kardashian. If he can handle that, he can handle us. Our asses are no where as rotund which may seem like a negative but fuck that: it just means they’re no where near as complicated to maneuver around during sex so plus 10 points for us.
5. He’s taking his Saints to the Superbowl this weekend, the first time in their franchise’s history. Yeah, he’s had a pretty bad season, but his performance in the playoff game against the Cardinals and that touchdown late in the game against the Vikings a few weeks ago helped get them where they are. I’m looking forward to watching him bob and weave in that tight ass uniform this weekend and so are you, no matter what team you’re rooting for.

Why He’s Hot:

1. Who is that handsome son of a bitch up there, all smoldering and what not? Jeffrey Donovan, that’s who, and fuck - if it wasn’t enough for him to be hot, he even sounds hot, when just saying his damn name.
2. You may be old enough to remember him from the old series The Pretender. No? Okay. Well, how about Burn Notice? I’ll bet you recognize him from there, right? Yep. He plays Michael Westen, the sexiest unemployed man with a yogurt fetish you’ve ever seen in your life. Tonight the show comes back from winter break and it’s about goddamn time: I’ve missed basking in his Miami Heat. *crickets* You know, because the show is based in Miami, and he’s hot? Get it? THESE ARE THE JOKES, PEOPLE.
3. He’s sexy as all get out, no matter what he’s got on. A suit. A cardigan. A sweatshirt. Just sweatpants. A speedo? Yeah, still sexy.
4. “Where’d you get the beauty scar tough guy? Eatin’ pussy?” Well no, actually his older brother hit him in the face with Matchbox cars when he was a kid, but whatever. They give him a rugged, bad ass appeal. I like scars. Don’t you like scars? Of course you do.
5. He wears glasses. Holy hell: The Scruff, and perfect teeth too?! My vagina just got overwhelmed.

Why He’s Hot:

1. He’s tall. Not like ‘he has to bend his neck a bit to kiss you’ tall. He’s “here, let me get down on my damn knees because you’re a fucking dwarf” tall.
2. I don’t even need to get into him being funny, because you guys are smart, and you know that already. I mean, look at this.
3. He doesn’t take anyone’s shit. His bosses are douches right? Instead of bending over and taking it - he called them on it, threw up deuces like a true Irish gangster and walked. TEAM COCO FOREVER!!!11!
4. His hair. It’s bouncy and shiny and perfectly coiffed, always. He takes great pride in it, obviously. I’d take great pride mussing it up. I mean, it’s not only that it’s fucking perfect but he’s a goddamn ginger.
5. Have you seen this bastard with a beard? Holy hell.

Why He’s Hot:

1. How many men can pull off Ruggedly Adorable? Not many, but Joshua Jackson can. Another master of The Scruff, he manages to be ‘wilderness sexy’ while still maintaining his doe eyed appeal.
2. Remember Dawson’s Creek? I do. Pacey was the cutest, sweetest guy ever and we couldn’t help but envision Joshua to be the same way. Sweetness = hotness.
3. He’s dapper. I mean, the boy can rock a suit.
4. He plays a sarcastic genius criminal mastermind from an alternate universe working for the FBI on Fringe, and damn does he look good doing it. All brooding and sexy with his dark clothes and bright eyes.
5. Speaking of eyes, aren’t his amazing? So blue and piercing. It’s like he’s looking right through you. Or maybe he’s just trying to peer through your clothes. Hey! Put those back on, he can’t really see you! Jeeze.