1. See that handsome young man right up there? That’s Joey Michael Richter. Yeahhh. Let that name roll off your tongue. Go ahead. Practice. You’ll be moaning it soon anyway, because once you hear that kid’s sweet voice when he sings, you won’t be able to think of anything else but him moaning yours as you make sweet love.
2. He’s a Youtube-famous actor. Yeah, there’s a few of them out there—but how many have acted as Ron BAMF Weasley, the KICKASS best friend of Harry Freaking Potter, in both A Very Potter Musical AND A Very Potter Sequel? That’s right. Just him. His wig isn’t even that red and he still makes ginger look motherfucking good. Oh, and did I mention he was in a play called Me And My Dick? As himself? Ask nicely and he may just introduce you to the other main character.
3. He’s got a great sense of humor. He’ll make you die laughing while he’s fucking the fuck out of you. And all that adorable silliness gets him a ton of friends, who he hangs out with and drinks fucking beers in his fucking bathtub with. Does that look strange to you? Doesn’t matter, does it, because you just jizzed your pants either way.
4. Look at that adorable sideways jaw. Have you ever seen anything quite like it? No, you haven’t. Does he make it look fucking adorable? Fuck yes, he does. he’s the epitome of supermegafoxyawesomehot, with or without his fucking cute jaw—or with or without his fucking unnecessary shirt.
5. He’s attending the University of Michigan and is involved in a student-run organization called basement arts, but that’s all just for small talk before you’re being tossed mercilessly on the bed and pounded the fuck out of by that fucking cuter than life Joey Richter. And like the character Salad Sally in Me And My Dick, it won’t be long before he has you begging him to sweep you off your feet and carry you off to some Caribbean island and make wild passionate love to you until you die a naked and sexy death.

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