Why He’s Hot:

1. He’s The motherfucking Boss. He was hot then and he’s hot now. Scruffy Bruce, nonscruffy Bruce, surprised and shirtless Bruce, 60-year-old Bruce on the beach…uh, I’m sorry. I think I need a minute.
2. The ass. It just happened to star on the cover of the best-selling album of 1985. Coincidence? Doubtful. I mean, look at that.
3. He’s an incredible performer, even when he forgets the words or almost obliterates the cameraman with an ill-fated powerslide. Shut up, you know you wouldn’t mind being destroyed by that crotch. And he basically invented the onstage bromance.
4. He’s always had a great sense of style in a badass rocker way. Bruce even manages to make his occasional not-so-awesome fashion choices look, well, fucking awesome. Not that his clothes really matter when all you’re thinking about is how much you want to tear them off.
5. He may be a legend, but he doesn’t take himself too seriously. He makes sure that his shows are 3+ hours of pure joy for his fans: he takes requests, crowd surfs, and lets little kids sing with him. That’s why they recognize his superiority to Hannah Montana. Damn straight, kids. Damn straight.

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