Why He’s Hot:
- He’s The motherfucking Boss. He was hot then and he’s hot now. Scruffy Bruce, nonscruffy Bruce, surprised and shirtless Bruce, 60-year-old Bruce on the beach…uh, I’m sorry. I think I need a minute.
- The ass. It just happened to star on the cover of the best-selling album of 1985. Coincidence? Doubtful. I mean, look at that.
- He’s an incredible performer, even when he forgets the words or almost obliterates the cameraman with an ill-fated powerslide. Shut up, you know you wouldn’t mind being destroyed by that crotch. And he basically invented the onstage bromance.
- He’s always had a great sense of style in a badass rocker way. Bruce even manages to make his occasional not-so-awesome fashion choices look, well, fucking awesome. Not that his clothes really matter when all you’re thinking about is how much you want to tear them off.
- He may be a legend, but he doesn’t take himself too seriously. He makes sure that his shows are 3+ hours of pure joy for his fans: he takes requests, crowd surfs, and lets little kids sing with him. That’s why they recognize his superiority to Hannah Montana. Damn straight, kids. Damn straight.
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