Why He’s Hot:
- He’s the boss. We all love a man who’s charge right? Well, C.K. here has an empire, runs an friggin’ terrestrial pole of the earth, has the flying magical reindeer game on lockdown and even enslaves millions of tiny little happy elves. You don’t get anymore in charge than that.
- He looks damn good in red. So good that it’s all he wears. He knows his colors, he works what suits him, and a man with good taste in fashion? Hot. He can stomp around our houses in those big black boots anytime.
- He knows how to make his woman happy. So much so that she’s constantly cooking turkeys and knitting sweaters and giving blowjobs and making him hot cocoa with mini marshmallows and shit. Do you think Mrs. Kringle would be doing all of that if she wasn’t happy? Nope.
- Don’t like them rotund and jolly? That’s alright, he’s fucking Santa - he’s magic. He can look however you want him too.
- He’s quite good with his hands, making all those intricate little toys for brats all over the world. I’m sure he knows how else to use those nimble fingers.
- He’s on the goddamn Coca Cola bottle, chillin’ with polar bears and shit. You can’t get any
coolerhotter than that.
Here’s wishing you all a wonderful Christmas, abundant with silly, bawdy fun and hearty laughter!
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