Why He’s Hot:

1. His name is fucking Cristiano Ronaldo, quite honestly if that doesn’t turn you on then I suggest you see a doctor. It’s like sex in your mouth. No really, it is, try saying really slowly and let the words roll off your tongue. See what I mean? Now wipe your mouth, because you’ve probably got a little drool in the corners.
2. The only reason anyone really wants Real Madrid to win the Champion’s League is so that he will rip off his shirt so we can see a few glorious minutes of those sweat drenched sexy abs. Ironically enough, there’s just something so sexy about a guy who handles balls for a living.
3. Sure, those Brits are alright, but what we really like are the Portuguese. I mean, have you heard this guy’s accent? Even though I have no idea what the fuck he’s saying, I sure as hell wish he was whispering it in my ear.
4. He’s such a goofball. He’s always joking around and laughing. You can’t help but melt whenever you see that big boyish grin and those adorable dimples that look oh-so-kissable. And speaking of his looks, check out those big, brown puppy dog eyes. How could anyone resist them? (and further more WHY would anyone resist?) He’s tall, dark and handsome; three really is a magic number my friends.
5. He’s the highest paid soccer player in the world. He drops diamonds like the world poker tour. In other words, he’s freakin’ loaded. Money is sexy, and if you’ve been told otherwise, you’ve been lied to.

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