Why He’s Hot:
- Let’s just start with the obvious: the eyes. One look in those big blue babies and your underwear are simmering in your own juices. And I dare you to find me a man that can pull off the guyliner like Jared can. Hey! Where are you going? Sit your ass back down: you can’t. It’s not possible. No one does it better.
- He’s ridiculously talented, best known for his acting but also for singing, writing the songs and playing the lead guitar in 30 Seconds To Mars. Don’t like his band? You’d best keep that to yourself since he might haul off and knock you the fuck out. Or maybe just choke you and scream a bit, but you know, same difference. As a matter of fact auto erotic asphyxiation is pretty hot so HEY! Jared! YOUR BAND SUCKS!
- Whether that beautiful sharp face is dusted in The Scruff or naked, he looks goooooood. Like wipe the drool off your chin good. And have you seen it covered in a full on beard? Look at those gray hairs scattered in there. No, he doesn’t look homeless and even if he did, you know you’d be inviting him to shack up with you.
- He can pull off just about anything and you know why? Because he doesn’t give a good goddamn if you like it or not. Think his hair was better all ‘normal looking’? Yeah, he’ll take it farther, even more asymmetrical and shit. Not feeling that sexy eyeliner? He’ll throw some silver glitter eyeshadow on those bitches. Not feeling the cut up tank top? He’ll show you some nipple and you’ll shut the fuck up. HOT.
- Oh, I didn’t forget the hottest thing of all. Umph.
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