Why He’s Hot:

1. He’s like the cool older brother of that girl you hung out with in 8th grade, only because of her cool older brother. He’d like walk through the living room and ruffle your hair and give you butterflies and punch her in the arm and you’d laugh way too hard at that and every thing else he did and you’d get in a fight with her later and you’d say “well I only hung out with you because of David!” and she’d cry and you’d feel like an ass. Wait…what?
2. His hair in all of it’s fluffy, curly, shiny glory. He looks like he’s brought Farrah Fawcett’s hairdresser out of retirement and totally pulls it off.
3. The Jewishness. From the name to the nose to the jaw structure - he’s all Jew, all the time, and you just want a piece of that ass with a side of (turkey) bacon.
4. He’s got super hot friends that would hopefully flirt with you and you’d end up cheating on Andy with one or both of them and Andy’d walk in and instead of being pissed he’d strip down and join in and it’d be a big pile of sexy men and you. EPIC, no?
5. He’s extremely thoughtful, so much so that he’d gift you with his dick in a box and/or fuck your mother.