1. His name is Joe fucking Walker, but I think sexy bitch is a more appropriate name. Even with those beautiful baby blue eyes shut, you can tell this guy oozes sex appeal. It only takes a smile to virtually melt your panties off, and it’s a sacrifice willingly made. Watching him eat pizza can make any girl hungry (and not for the pizza). You see that pole between his legs? Yeah, that’s actual size. Any girl would be lucky to be shocked by this fine specimen. 
2. He’s an incredible actor who has starred in Youtube shows as Lord Voldemort in A Very Potter Musical, Dolores Umbridge in A Very Potter Sequel, and a dick (yes, that’s right) in Me and My Dick. Somehow, he has managed to make all of his characters extremely and unexpectedly sexy. Dark wizards, women, and dicks have never looked so god damn delicious.
3. Homeboy can dance his fucking ass off (although we’d hate to lose such a beautiful thing). Just imagine this fine piece of man meat dancing with you on your wedding night before the two of you do the horizontal tango (which I’m sure he’s had plenty practice doing and can choreograph so well it will blow your mind) in the honeymoon suite later that night.
4. His abs are so hard they can cut right through your bra straps and anything else in the way of him making sweet, sweet love to you. It’s nearly impossible to pay attention when someone is walking around with his arms like these. As if you needed any more convincing, the internet provided us with this beautiful masterpiece. 
5. He’s probably one of the funniest people on the planet. Have you ever read through his twitter? It’s hard to decide if you’d want him to tell you jokes or screw you senseless. The ridiculous faces he make somehow remain equally as delicious as a normal photo. Even dressed in ridiculous and/or hilarious outfits, he still finds a way to stay so cotton picking cute.

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