Why He’s Hot:

1. Bitch, take a look at this guy. This is SETH MOTHERFUCKING MEYERS, better known as “The Hot Guy Who Does The News On SNL.” He’s also the head writer of that show. Yeah, that’s right, you get the brooding sweater-wearing writer and the Paul Rudd goofy funny guy all in one. JACKPOT. He coined the phrase “I can see Russia from my house,” for God’s sake. Yeah, people still attribute that to Tina, but those sketches were pretty much all Seth’s writing, so suck it.
2. Those eyes. Goddamn, those eyes. Like two reflecting pools of heaven, they are. They’re so fucking blue that they will laser right through your soul. Oh and while we’re at it, take his penchant for wearing sexy-ass blue clothes, like suits and t-shirts and shit. Fuck. Panties on the ground yet? (Clothing, however, is optional around him.)
3. He went to Northwestern, so you can bet he’s intelligent as all fuckout. You wanna talk about Afghanistan or health care reform or whatever when you’re done making wild passionate love on the bathroom floor? You can bet he’ll be up for it. Also he speaks French, so that just about says it all, my dears.
4. This man is a motherfucking JETSETTER. He’s run marathons in Finland, been in scooter crashes in Bermuda, and, oh yeah, LIVED IN AMSTERDAM FOR LIKE FIVE YEARS. Coupled with the fact that he’s an expert poker player and wears a lot of expensive suits, there’s only one logical conclusion: he’s actually James Bond. Is there anyone sexier than James Bond? Just one person and that’s Seth Meyers.
5. He writes comic books. Yep, that’s right, bitches. This guy is a great big Battlestar Galactica-watching, Green Lantern-loving, X-box-playing, messy-haired nerd. AND EVERY WOMAN LOVES A MAN WHO CAN TALK NERDY TO HER. Don’t you want this man’s joystick all up in YOUR X-Box? That’s what I thought. That’s just what I fucking thought.

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Why He’s Hot:

1. Han Solo. Intergalactic smuggler and mercenary. He is as charming as all fuck and confident too. Look at those eyes, don’t they just scream ”I’m incredible in bed!”?
2. His jaw. Holy shit! No wonder a princess fell in love with him.
3. He rocks a vest. Not many guys can pull off a vest, but he is one of the ones who can. Check that fucking thing out. I’d make him keep it on during sex, that’s for sure.
4. He’s a bad ass. So much so that there have been bounties put on his head. I mean this guy has killed people. He’s going to protect you and protect the shit out of you at that.
5. He’s a pilot. A dude with a fast car is hot, right? Well how about a dude who’s spaceship did the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs? Han is the captain of The Millennium Falcon. You’ve never heard of The Millennium Falcon? This thing outruns Imperial starships. Hot, right?

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Why He’s Hot:

1. He has fucking beautiful hair. Whether is it longer, cut short or even shaved, he always looks damn good. Does he have a stylist? Fuck no, that shit is all natural, done by wind and snow. It always looks nice, but wouldn’t you just love to run your fingers through and mess it up a little? Or a lot.
2. Look at his amazing smile. His smile is like a beam of light that fills everyone with love and warmth and makes fresh powdery snow fall from the sky. Or, you know, it makes you want to jump his bones and get him naked.
3. Check out this fucking rugged, manly face. Try telling me that isn’t one of the handsomest guys you’ve ever seen. He even looks good sporting cuts and bruises, which means go ahead, play rough. Try looking into those deep blue eyes without having to fan yourself off. Need cooled down? Imagine rolling in the snow with this hot ass snowmonkey, then going inside to warm up, rolling around in bed.
4. Even though this cutie can fly high, he’s still grounded. He has a busy life as a snowboarder, but he can always make time for his family, his fr[i]ends, and even the smallest of his fans. Who doesn’t love a guy who can have a sense of humor and can stay modest? He’ll make sure you can spend time alone, and maybe you can rub down his sore muscles. Among other things.
5. Kevin. Pearce. Remember this stud’s name, because you’ll be hearing it a lot. He’s one of few people to beat Shaun White, and he’s done it more than once. Nothing looks better on a guy than a gold medal. And only a gold medal. He’s had a recent accident, but with his determination, he’ll be riding again soon. What’s hotter than a guy with a lot of determination to do everything the best he can. Just imagine what else he could be the best at.

Why He’s Hot:

1. What did you say? “Who is this?” you asked? This is Orson motherfucking Welles, bitch. You betta recognize your fine-ass, old Hollywood superstars.
2. Just check him out in action. Does that NOT make you wanna jump in a motherfuckin’ time machine and do unspeakable things to that meaty, man-bod of his?
3. Have you even HEARD the 1938 radio broadcast of War of the Worlds? You hear that deep, sultry voice? Ok, good. Now check the floor. Are your panties there yet?
4. He was also a magician. But, shit, it wouldn’t take any magic tricks to get you bare naked and in his bed.
5. This motherfucker hardly ever walked around without a pipe or a cigar. Makes you wish you could put something else in his mouth, now doesn’t it?

Why they’re hot:

1. His fucking eyes. They can’t get any more blue. And his hands, and all the crap he puts on them - the fair trade sign, all the bracelets. You just want those hands to… well… you get the picture. His nose. His hair. His voice, seriously. Even when he isn’t singing, his voice makes you melt. Did I mention he speaks French?
2. To celebrate Gwyneth Paltrow (…hmm, could do better) getting pregnant with his kid Apple (thats fucking right, he named his daughter after a fruit) he took off his top, put on a wig and sang a song so incredibly dirty and full of innuendo. “Your cups gone up from an A to D, that’s bad for you, but it’s fun for me.” Oh, hello…
3. Yeah, he’s all yellow. He was on the fucking simpsons. A cartoon Chris Martin? Fuck me. That’s just too much awesomeness. And did I mention his run-in with Borat, PANTLESS?
4. He’s actually got, like, talent. He sings, plays guitar, and piano like a god. Scratch that, he is a god. This facebook group and all 128 members say so. And he’s a part of Coldplay. Wow.
5. This man looks damn awesome in a beanie. Or another beanie. Perhaps a hat? Or maybe a french-revolution-influenced military style is more to your fancy? Maybe a super lovely black jumper? A winner is always the rolling stones t-shirt. He even sold his Viva La Vida jacket and his Strawberry Swing outfit on ebay for charity. Some lucky girl out there can actually say she got into Chris Martin’s pants because of this.